Why Do I Feel Disconnected When Everything is Fine?

In my mid-twenties I found myself in a perplexing emotional state that I could not quite explain. At surface level, everything appeared to be fine. I had a decent job, a nice apartment, and some close friends that I spent time with every week. But something was off. Despite having all of my physical and social needs met, I felt as though I was missing something that others appeared to possess in their lives. It was absolutely maddening.

Looking back over a decade later, I think what I yearned for was a profound emotional experience to help fulfill my spiritual needs. I needed to transition my focus away from external situations and instead prioritize my internal development.

Now that I am a doctoral therapist, I possess the diction and knowledge to better explain what I was going through during that tumultuous time in my life. My hope is that relaying this information will assist you in better understanding your subjective experiences and potentially discover what you need to re-engage with society and start feeling better.

Three Likely Reasons for Why You Feel Emotionally Numb

Although the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) handbook does not categorize numbness or feeling disconnected as an official diagnosis, it does provide insight for why those emotions may manifest. Please note that the following three explanations are based on generalized research findings and may not holistically encapsulate your unique internal experiences.

1.      Self-Protection

Every individual has a certain range of discomfort for which they can reasonably manage while continuing to function in their daily lives. This window of tolerance widens and condenses based on which personal and professional stressors are manifesting at any given point in time. If an individual’s distress levels cross their window of tolerance, they may shut down and close themselves off from others. This dissociative state (aka the hypo-arousal state) is a defense mechanism designed to protect an individual from feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated. Fortunately, individuals who are in this headspace are usually able to re-enter into their window of tolerance when their stressors dissipate.

2.      Lack of Fulfillment

Have you ever watched a movie or television show and thought, “It was fine. I was reasonably entertained. But I’ll probably forget about it by tomorrow.” Something that is qualified as “just fine” is boring. We all need a bit of tension and conflict in our lives to feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Renowned psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow regularly talked about the importance of balancing a need for safety and security with intentionally pursuing opportunities for growth and expansion (Maslow, 1962). The history of evolution has taught us that the greatest advancements manifest when species are forced to operate outside of their comfort zones and challenge themselves. If you are feeling bored and uninterested in what life has to offer, I wonder what you might discover about yourself and your needs by stepping outside of your wheelhouse, taking a risk, and trying something that you genuinely believe is a worthwhile endeavor to pursue. Because the person who dares greatly is more likely to revel in “the triumph of high achievement” (RedFrost Motivation, 2020).

3.      Depression

Disconnection may also be a warning sign of being in a depressive state. Losing interest in things that once gave you pleasure could indicate that you are really struggling and need some assistance getting back on the horse. Existential therapy is purposefully designed to help you feel supported during this tumultuous time in your life. As a professional counselor, I will strive to teach you various mental health coping skills and counseling theoretical approaches to aid in your recovery. The goal is to help you feel like yourself again so that you can find meaning, fulfillment, and enjoyment in your life.

Closing Thoughts

When someone is in physical pain, a doctor will prescribe their patient medication to relieve the discomfort. The medicine aids the individual via numbing their bodily sensations. But our mental health requires a different approach. We have to lean in and embrace our feelings in order to better understand ourselves. I can help you develop this emotional skillset.

I understand if that perspective sounds both foreign and daunting. Why would anyone willingly choose to be uncomfortable? It’s tempting to want to remain within the bubble when everything outside of it feels risky and chaotic.

You are more than welcome to stay within that safety net for as long as you want. But when you are ready, I hope that you take a chance and reach out. I hope you give yourself permission to be curious about what life has to offer you. Because there is a world of possibilities out there, waiting to be discovered by you.

Click on the link below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation and see what you are missing out on.

References

Maslow, A. H. (1962). Toward a psychology of being. D. Van Nostrand Company.

RedFrost Motivation. (2020, December 31). The man in the arena – Teddy Roosevelt (A powerful speech from history) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A311CnTjfos