How to Responsibly Handle Relationship Conflicts

Last week my partner and I were reminiscing about the first season of House of the Dragon. For those unfamiliar, House of the Dragon is a prequel to Game of Thrones and recounts the series of events that culminated in the Targaryen dynasty’s downfall. However, whereas Game of Thrones starts with political intrigue and murder, House of the Dragon begins with the unforeseen tragedy of the king’s wife dying in childbirth. Game of Thrones revolves around people intentionally creating chaos for their own personal gain and glory while House of the Dragon examines how people respond to unexpected, devastating events. As audience members, we empathize with the characters in House of the Dragon because we have all been in tumultuous situations that unfortunately revealed hard truths about significant relationships in our lives.

The Importance of Intention

I am deliberately honing in on the unexpected tragedy in House of the Dragon’s opening act because I think it is important to distinguish between a bad situation caused by the chaotic nature of the universe versus troubling events that arise due to people’s malicious acts towards one another. Not many people go around twirling their mustaches, thinking of all the ways in which they can intentionally harm others. But we have all experienced scenarios in which our co-workers, bosses, friends, or family members have responded poorly to unfortunate circumstances. Daemon didn’t kill his brother’s wife. And yet, shortly after her passing he cannot help but revel in his rise as the heir apparent to the throne. The manners in which people choose to respond to existential crises reveals a great deal about their personal priorities and worldviews.

As a relationship therapist, I am always curious about how people react to chaotic events. It is easy for people to remain cool, calm, and collected when situations appear to be safe and predictable; Everyone has the luxury to be on their best behavior when things go according to plan. But disruptions within relationship dynamics breed conflict because each individual perceives the situation from their individual point of view. King Viserys feels an overwhelming amount of guilt surrounding the final moments of his wife’s passing. Otto Hightower sees the queen’s death as a political opportunity to advance his family’s position. Daemon is torn between feeling empathetic towards his brother for his unexpected loss and feeling empowered by the possibility that he may one day be king. Very few individuals within the king’s inner circle truly desire to do what is best for the realm. Thus, the absence of responsibility and the prevalence of selfish ambition progressively leads to the kingdom’s downfall. In the end, everyone suffers because so many individuals chose to prioritize their individual needs above the needs of the system.

Imagining the What If

Perhaps what makes House of the Dragon so heartbreaking is that we can imagine a world in which things might have turned out differently had the characters been more mindful and reflective of their actions. We cannot help but wonder what might have transpired had Otto prioritized his love for his friend and the kingdom over his lust for power. If Daemon had apologized to his brother for celebrating his ascension, could they possibly have repaired their relationship with one another? These troubling questions will unfortunately always remain unanswered because we can only ever know what they willingly chose to pursue.

The Takeaway

Ruptures within relationships are inevitable. Sometimes people say hurtful things they don’t mean or allow their anxieties to get the better of them. Horrible situations can oftentimes bring out the worst in people. However, there is a world of difference between striving to do what is right and intentionally creating a precarious situation or being ignorant of how one’s actions impact those around them. We all have a moral responsibility to try our best to protect and preserve the relationships that matter the most to us, even if that means we have to courageously work through our own anxieties and insecurities.

My hope is that you may learn from the failures of those who struggle to see beyond their own selfish desires. Unforeseen dilemmas have the potential to corrupt relationships when people are willing to push others down in order to climb up the ladder. Humanistic counseling literature is littered with research studies examining the consequences for individuals who choose to treat others as tools for personal gain (Martin, 2017; Scott et al., 2009; Tweed et al., 2023). But you do not have to fall into those traps. You can decide how to dutifully respond when the universe inevitably throws you a curve ball.

If you are feeling lost and are uncertain for how to proceed in navigating a precarious situation in your life, please know that professional therapy can help you find direction. Relationship counseling is about helping you feel grounded and secure when conflicts threaten to destabilize meaningful connections in your life. You can maintain your pride and dignity in the face of adversity.

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References

Martin, M. (2017). The dialogical principle in counseling and psychotherapy: An exploration of Martin Buber's "I and Thou" (Publication No. 113) [Master's thesis, James Madison University]. James Madison University Scholarly Commons. https://commons.lib.jmu.edu/edspec201019/113

Scott, J. G., Scott, R. G., Miller, W. L., Stange, K. C., & Crabtree, B. F. (2009). Healing relationships and the existential philosophy of Martin Buber. Philosophy, Ethics, and Humanities in Medicine, 4, Article 11. https://doi.org/10.1186/1747-5341-4-11

Tweed, R. G., Bergen, T. P., Castaneto, K. K., & Ryder, A. G. (2023). Martin Buber: Guide for a psychology of suffering. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, Article 1154865. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1154865