Accepting a Relationship’s End is Not Failure

Over the years I have provided professional counseling services to hundreds of people from a wide variety of multicultural backgrounds. Working with so many unique individuals has afforded me the opportunity to better understand how people operate, and see the recurring existential themes everyone grapples with in their lives; We all experience a fundamental human need to continuously grow and evolve. And oftentimes this ambition leads us to accomplishing great deeds. But this drive to achieve and conquer can also unexpectedly lead to precarious dilemmas in how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.  

A Distorted Reality

There is perhaps nothing more dangerous to an individual’s mental state than a yearning to create a cohesive, meaningful narrative. Movies, television shows, novels, etc. have taught us that stories end with resolutions; The guy gets the girl. The wrongdoers are punished for their misdeeds. The parent learns to accept and love their child. It is so alluring to believe that our relationships operate on similar satisfying arcs. We crave and expect sufficient conclusions.

And I really, really, really hate to say this, but that is not how relationships work. People constantly disappoint. Most individuals are completely oblivious and/or apathetic towards how their actions impact those around them. They betray their moral principles as soon as it becomes inconvenient to their personal ambitions. One would hope that these hurtful behaviors would be confined to distant, inconsequential relationships. But close friends, parents, and spouses are not immune from this mentality. It is unfortunate and demoralizing. But it is the world we live in.

I am not speaking this fundamental truth to convince you to throw your hands up in the air and give up. Your desires to build meaningful relationships in your life is appreciated, and does not go unnoticed. If anything, I want you to hold on to that purity. Because that is what makes you, you. But I do worry that myths of opportunity, of reconciliation and mutual forgiveness, may be hindering your ability to self-actualize. There is an objective reality that must be accepted in order to move forward.

Misleading Promises vs. Sincere Actions

I know what you are thinking. You want to challenge this negative assertion that people are who they are and that there is nothing you can do to help them. After all, you have put forth an honest effort to better yourself. Who is to say they cannot as well? The difference, of course, is that you are here whereas they are not. And if they were trying their darndest to make amends for past mistakes, then your relationship with them would likely be in a better place. People who are legitimately trying to figure things out accept responsibility for their actions and will do everything they can to preserve their connections.

Every client who has achieved success in professional therapy has done so because they were extremely motivated to work on themselves and better their relationships. This phenomenon holds true regardless of the individual’s age, education, socioeconomic status, religious beliefs, family upbringing, etc. That does not mean people are perfect and never make mistakes. On the contrary, people who yearn for deep, impactful relationships acknowledge their shortcomings and work to address them. Because genuine relationships are primarily about two people deliberately choosing to make their dynamic work. When one person is reluctant to contribute to their shared dynamic, the relationship falls apart. And the other individual is left with no choice but to acknowledge that their time together has come to an end.

The Grief of Letting Go

Conceding that a relationship is over is a grieving process. It is devastating to part ways with people who hold a special place in our hearts. I understand the pain. However, holding onto the false notion that you alone have the power to change people is costing you dearly. I have seen people ruin their lives by refusing to accept that they had little power over their partner’s/friend’s/parent’s maladaptive behaviors. The only path forward is to let go of trying to help people who are reluctant to work on themselves, and instead welcome individuals into your life who will genuinely appreciate your authentic self.

Conclusions

And so, as we begin 2026, I hope you actively reflect upon where you wish to devote your time and energy this year. Who in your life is worth prioritizing, and which relationships are running into dead ends? Where might it be wise to reconsider your efforts and focus your attention onto the significant individuals who desire to build meaningful connections with you? Accepting the truth about your relationships is not a failure so much as it is a course correction towards building your idealized life. Professional counseling can help you reach your aspirations.

Click on the link below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation for either my Dallas or Flower Mound counseling offices.