Finding Clarity and Direction

The other day I was surfing on Youtube and I came across a video of a younger Tom Holland sharing what he wanted for his future self. (If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend that you check it out at https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fp9uuF99AtE ). He talked about his desires to play Spider-man, wanting to work with Jake Gyllenhaal, and his hopes to date Zendaya. As we all know, Tom was eventually able to manifest all his dreams into existence. (I’ll admit that I am both thoroughly impressed and terribly perplexed by his ability to shift the universe in his favor.) But whether it be his charisma, his acting skills, voodoo magic, or just plain dumb luck, there is no denying that Tom had a very clear idea of what he wanted for his life, and worked very hard to make his dreams a reality. And maybe there is a lesson that we can all learn from Mr. Holland about clearly defining our goals and pursuing them with intent and purpose.

Recognizing Your Needs

So often in my line of work I hear my clients talk about how stressed and overwhelmed they feel in their relationships and careers. This anxiety often leads to them complying with what their friends, family members, and romantic partners want in order to appease them and keep the peace. But rather than reacting to what other people want from you, I encourage you to reflect upon what you want and need to be happy. For instance, the person you are currently dating might say they want children, a dog, and a house in the suburbs. That is great. More power to them. But is that what you want for your life? Can you honestly picture yourself going to the dog park on Sundays with the kids? Or do you see yourself traveling the world, moving from place to place every few years? Understanding both the similarities and discrepancies between your aspirations and other peoples’ desires will help you more confidently assert yourself when people attempt to conform you to their specific needs.  

Finding Balance

Now, let me be clear. There is a large discrepancy between sharing your desires/motivations with other individuals and attempting to control their thoughts and behaviors. Every person has an inherit right to make their own choices. As your therapist, my goal is to help you find a balance between asserting yourself while simultaneously respecting other people’s autonomy and independence. I want to help you reach a point where you can confidently say, “This is what I want for my life. I hope the people closest to me want the same things. But I will walk this path one way or another because this is important to me.” And the irony is that learning how to be your own unique person will make you a highly attractive individual, because you will have found your voice.

You deserve caring friends, a fulfilling job, and an intimate partner.

All it takes is to knowing what you want for your life, and fervently pursuing your aspirations into reality.    

Click on the link below to schedule your fifteen-minute phone consult so we can lay the groundwork to get your life back on track.