Anxiety in High-Functioning Adults

Maybe it is just my imagination, but I feel as though many of my clients, friends, and colleagues have had a really rough year. So many intelligent, hard-working individuals have been laid off because of the tumultuous economic landscape. People are struggling to keep up with their daily expenses as the cost of living continues to skyrocket. And the housing market is still out of reach for many individuals seeking to settle down and start their families.

When I hear my clients vent their frustrations, exhaustion, and discouragement to me, I cannot help but respond, “You have gone through so much. And I wish you could just catch a break.” During those instances, my clients simply shrug and relay all of the ways they are trying to better their circumstances. My clients are doers. When confronted with adversity, they use their intelligence and problem-solving skills to search for ways to quell their anxieties. And most of the time that level of dedication and resourcefulness is sufficient in helping them resolve both their internal and external dilemmas. But occasionally their action-oriented mentality of striving to immediately find resolution interferes with their higher emotional needs of feeling and expressing where they are at in the present moment. And perhaps what so many high-functioning adults struggling with anxiety really need is permission to slow down, catch their breath, and find peace in their discomfort.

Taking Action vs. Embracing Your Emotional Needs

I think what trips people up about this mentality of riding the wave and feeling their emotions is that it does not seem useful nor productive to practice mindfulness. Often in my line of work I hear clients say, “I am fully aware that I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed. That is why I am trying so hard to find a means to relieve my stress.” I completely empathize with that thought process. You want to do something that will help you reclaim a sense of control and sequentially sooth your nerves. You want to discover a way to better your circumstances. So naturally you run through the gambit of everything you can think of to increase your odds of succeeding; “I should text that person back to tell them that I want to go on another date.” “I need to schedule a meeting with my boss to let them know that I am interested in that new job opportunity.” “What else can I do to repair my relationship?”

Striving to chart your own course is a noble endeavor. But to be completely honest with you, I think you are trying too hard. Intellectualizing your relationship and career problems will not absolve you of your emotions. And I worry that as soon as you start labeling your emotions as problems that need to be addressed, you will eventually learn to blame yourself for having said emotions. There has to come a point where we can acknowledge to ourselves, “I am scared, anxious, tired, doubtful, frustrated, and discouraged. And that is okay. I am allowed to feel my emotions.” Reaching that delicate crossroad between recognizing our efforts while simultaneously learning to embrace our emotions is a skillset that requires us to examine our emotional struggles from a more holistic lens.

Acceptance

One of the core pillars of Gestalt therapy is the belief that the way we choose to perceive our struggles greatly influences how we find resolution to our plights (Vitello & Salvi, 2023). Thus, if we believe our anxiety is an issue that needs to be addressed, we lose sight of ourselves and where we are currently at in our lives. Your anxiety is not a problem, a personal deficiency, or a punishment for your external dilemmas. There is no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed about your worries. Your emotions simply exist. It is completely, 100%, A-Okay to be going through a rough time.

If you are currently feeling overwhelmed, disheartened, pressured to always give it your all, dreading the future, and losing faith that things will ever improve, I want you to know that you are not alone. You have permission to be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, and overwhelmed. It is okay to feel. Emotions are neither good or bad. They just are. And more importantly, your emotions are a crucial component of you.

I know that you want to project an aura of strength. I understand that you want to pretend as though you have got it all figured out, that you are effectively able to quash all of your insecurities, fears, and doubts. Because the thought of acknowledging your real emotions to other significant individuals in your life as well as to yourself is absolutely terrifying. But that mask is no longer serving you. And I would even argue that you distorting your subjective reality is getting in the way of you reaching the next stage of your personal development and growth (May, 1960). I can show you how to let go of the façade and teach you how to willingly embrace your true, authentic emotions with confidence and pride.

Click on the link below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me.

References

May, R. (1960). Existential bases of psychotherapy. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 30(4), 685–695. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1960.tb02086.x

Vitello, M., & Salvi, C. (2023). Gestalt’s perspective on insight: A recap based on recent behavioral and neuroscientific evidence. Journal of Intelligence, 11(12), 224. https://doi.org/10.3390/jintelligence11120224

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